Business Items

Welcome to the inaugural post of the new and improved(?) blog of Levi Kafka. Seeing as I neither drink nor know where the server space I’ve leased is physically located, you’ll have to forgive me for not holding a formal christening ceremony, complete with a magnum of Heineken being smashed over a poor, unsuspecting Intel Xenon2 processor.

As you may or may not notice, this site remains under construction. Given my general lack of satisfaction with, umm, existence, I expect this situation to persist for the foreseeable future. Make suggestions. Enough formality; on to the bullet points:

• As much as my instincts tell me to cut straight to the Derrida and fart jokes, I would be reprehensibly remiss if I didn’t take a moment to recognize the passings of Col. Gerald Chikala and Tim Russert. Since serving 4 tours in Vietnam, 1 in Korea, and 1 in Germany, the Colonel had gone on to do some military instruction before retiring to New Hampshire, where he was often heard exercising his piquant wit (”If I had my way, I’d trade you for a yellow dog and shoot the dog. My only regret would be the ten cents I spent on ammunition.” “Don’t be nervous. No one’s shooting at you.”) to the benefit of the young men on the Phillips Exeter Academy football team. Russert, on the other hand, was the inimitable host of Meet the Press for 17 years; if you haven’t heard some remembrance of him, then you probably need to enact step 1 in any successful venture: remove head from anus.

• What do Kobe Bryant and I have in common? (I’ll give you a hint: I’ve never raped anyone in Colorado…I’ve never raped anyone, anywhere, but especially not in Colorado.) If you guessed “Neither of you has ever won an NBA Championship without Shaq,” go buy yourself a Klondike bar.
  Having witnessed ACC basketball firsthand, I see no reason to degrade myself by watching the NBA. Nonetheless, congratulations to Kevin Garnett and the Celtics. Slate treats Garnett’s reaction to winning the championship with all due humor and reverence here.

• I don’t condone wasting time on youtube, but following a link or two led me to this clip, in which a drunk Obama (played by a puppet) is interviewed. Skip to the last minute for some very funny truths.

• Those of you who patronized my old myspace blog may notice that I’m trying to keep the content a little less lewd. That’s because this site’s been erected to be a bit more professional. The operative word is “trying.”

• A little while back, I went off on a rant expressing my distaste for euphemism, to which Kyle replied something about the word “fuck.” To my mind, “fuck” isn’t a euphemism at all. It’s a verb meaning fornication, specifically penetration, with jackhammer-like connotation. Aren’t all other uses of the word either slang or vernacular? (Is there really a difference between slang and vernacular?)

There you have it, folks: your first list of “Business Items.” Now, let’s see if we can get this wordpress machinery working correctly.