{ 2008 07 19 }

Hee-Hawing Back to Adolescence

  • I’ve just been informed that a British horror flick named Donkey Punch (DP) opened in theaters this week (18 July). Yes, the first death occurs by way of the film’s eponymous sex act; mayhem ensues. Basically, imagine Hostel on a yacht - only the torture has been replaced by a half-dozen nervy teenagers. The only critic’s quote used in the trailer (available from A/V Club) tags DP as “The sexiest most shocking film of the year.” Perhaps that critic didn’t see Zombie Strippers.
    [Note:] In my brief search for the official DP site, I got distracted by, among other things (Google “Donkey Punch”), the explanation of a donkey punch on Fox News.
  • Objectifying Women: In the past week, I celebrated the 7th anniversary of my 21st birthday. I don’t know whether I’m getting older or middle-aged(?) women have been getting hotter, but, more and more, I find myself appreciating the aesthetic appeal of ladies near the upper limit of my half-plus-seven boxplot (21-42). Am I alone here? Is this a sign that plastic surgery has become more widespread than I imagine? If that’s true, do I care?
  • Admittedly, the preceding bullet point was inspired in large part by Gabrielle Anwar’s involvement in USA’s Burn Notice, which is in heavy rotation in anticipation of the 2nd season premiere. You may recall her from, say, Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead (”Girls who glide need guys who make them thump.”) or Scent of a Woman (”I’m in the ‘amazing’ business.”). Needless to say, playing a former IRA officer predisposed towards summary execution is a bit of a change for her.
    Review - Burn Notice: Imagine The A-Team (”If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire…”) updated for contemporary Miami with more attractive people and more action. If you’re saying “that analogy can’t work without Mr. T,” then you should know that Burn Notice gets its comic relief from Bruce Campbell of Army of Darkness (”This is my boom stick!”) fame. As far as mindlessness goes, it’s pretty amusing. It also shows how far USA has come (or not) since the days when it was best known for Silk Stalkings marathons.
  • Review - Swingtown: I don’t know whether or not this is a non sequitor, but I doubt I’ve ever met someone who was an adult in the mid-seventies who’s said, “Gee, I’d really like to re-live that decade.” I’m beginning to see why. Admittedly, I enjoyed the first episode enough to set a series recording, but now it just sort of plays in the background while I, say, write blog posts. The long and short of it is that I just can’t identify strongly enough with any of the characters to, umm, care. That’s not a good sign.
  • Not Exactly Objectifying Women: As I enter my last week (for the foreseeable future) surrounded by undergrads on a college campus, I’d like to pause for a moment of appreciation. I have in the past and will continue to protest the oppressive heat of GA summers. However, let us not overlook the benefit of sultry weather: less clothing. I believe I can speak for the majority of the (male) population in saying that generally, as a spectator, less clothing is more better. The appreciation does not stop there.
    I was struck the other day with the thought that, while “less clothing” translates into “more free time” (among other things) for me, such is unlikely to be the case for the lady folk. I mean, let’s say you’ve got shoulder-length or longer hair - even if you keep your natural color (which seems uncommon these days), there’s maintenance to be done. My stance toward makeup and manicures may be oppositional, but I can respect that they take time. Here’s the kicker: body hair. Man, I barely find time to shave my face once a week; finding time to shave one’s legs, etc. (speculative) must take some real contortions of schedule. For that, I would like to express my respect and appreciation.
  • XX Factor Update: I know I keep going back to this well, but I’m a thirsty boy. I’m guessing that, on some level, reading Slate’s feminist blog helps prevent any guilt I might feel about my complete lack of contrition over openly enjoying testosterone, upper body strength, and all the other things which make manhood a pretty sweet deal. More to the point, the XX Factor contributors, for all their learned-ness, tend to make valid arguments so conversationally as to disregard their gaping holes.
    This week, the ladies spent a few column-inches whining about Victoria’s Secret’s marketing techniques - specifically, the Very Sexy line of undergarments. A few thoughts:

    • Is the whole Pink brand really targeted at middle and high school-aged girls? I just assumed it was for undergrads, since those are the youngest women I see. If the former is true, that’s borderline reprehensible. It’s also a great way to build brand loyalty.
    • I’ll concede the value of maintaining the VS initials, but “Behind every very sexy woman is a Very Sexy bra” isn’t the right tagline. For one thing, the important part of a bra (as far as I know) isn’t behind you. Why not “Every very sexy woman needs the support of a Very Sexy bra”?
    • The XX Factor participants assert that “sexiness is best characterized by confidence and good health,” which is complete tripe. I would like to cite every insecure model with an eating disorder or chemical dependency issue as evidence. Maybe they’re taking a broader definition of sexy than Merriam-Webster, but, by standard convention, sexiness would seem to be a subheading of “beauty,” which is generally accepted to be in the eye of the beholder. Yes, that’s disempowering, objectifying, and kind of abstractly perverse. How about this solution: teach your daughters and sisters not to see themselves as sex objects.
    • My understanding of the brassiere may be somewhat perfunctory, but the 100-way convertible bra strikes me as counter-intuitive. If your goal is to provide lift, separation, and general support, shouldn’t each garment have one implementation allowing for most ideal accomplishment of those goals? The whole “convertible bra” concept strikes me as an engineering fiasco

Posted by admin on Saturday, July 19th, 2008, at 8:35 am, and filed under Uncategorized.

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