{ Monthly Archives }
March 2009
- Access - In the past, I’ve been accused of having an “obsession with yentas” because I often scan Slate’s XX Factor, even though that’s just another bit of heavy lifting I undertake as part of my efforts to provide you with the most distilled thought and news on the internet.
As a case in point, I offer this link to the official blog of Dayana Mendoza, Miss Universe 2008, a meta-location I would never have visited, were it not for one of the “yentas” taking note of the fact that Miss Mendoza had posted an entry covering her recent visit to Guantanamo Bay. “We visited the Detainees camps, and we saw the jails, where they shower, how the recreate themselves with movies, classes of art, books.” [sic] Sure, a lot has changed in the 2 months since Obama took office, but it still seems a bit troubling that the reach of a Venezuelan pageant winner should extend farther than that of the Geneva Conventions.
- Election - As I type, voters in New York’s 20th Congressional District are punching ballots in the special election brought to pass by Kirsten Gillibrand’s appointment to the Senate seat vacated by Hillary Clinton. The story here is that, although registered Republicans hold the numerical advantage, recent polling data suggest that Democrat Scott Murphy has at least a fighting chance to win. As Politico recognizes, the outcome of this election doesn’t amount to a hill of beans, in terms of Congressional power, but a Republican loss could trigger a night of the long knives amongst that party’s national leaders. It would also serve as a proxy vote of confidence in the fledgling Presidential administration, perhaps adding validity to the “we won” line of argument.
- Arrest - 6 years ago, Dell fired their “Dude, you’re getting a Dell” spokesboy after he was arrested for purchasing some marijuana in NYC for personal use. One hopes a similar fate doesn’t befall Vince Shlomi.
You may not recognize his name, but Shlomi has recently won acclaim from this venue for his work as the face of the ShamWow and Slap Chop commercials. The Smoking Gun now reports that Shlomi was arrested last month in Miami for battering a prostitute who, having bit his tongue, refused to let go. I guess she didn’t “love [his] nuts.” Neither Shlomi nor the the prostitute has been charged with any wrongdoing pursuant to their arrests.
Dell fired its mascot, who can be seen in this humorous video, despite the congruence between his offense and his role as a slacker with a catch phrase. Similarly, patronizing prostitutes certainly follows the character of a man known for pressing his audience to act “in the next 20 minutes, because I can’t be doin’ this all day.” At least there wasn’t a Graty involved.
- Indulgence - In an effort to attain and maintain the slightest shred of credibility, I generally aver the promotion of objectification and mood-altering excess. It’s a matter of restraining youthful whims.
At the same time, I see that the bulk of comments have come from aging frat boys, so I think the audience deserves to be thrown a bone. With that thought in mind, I would like to draw your attention to the realization of a dream I many of us likely shared a few years back, in the form of this video of Anna Kournikova playing beer pong.
On a more policy-minded note, I have to wonder how Jimmy Fallon’s blatant product placement evaded the long-standing FCC ban on broadcasting the depiction of alcoholic beverages being imbibed for promotional purposes. Someone fine this man, if only for having the poor taste to drink Bud Light Lime.
- Automotive - With the U.S. government scheduled today to announce its plans for the automobile makers that have made use of federal aid, two big stories loom.
Despite his ridiculously appropriate name, GM CEO Rick Wagoner has reportedly resigned at the behest of the Obama administration. Whether this move is related to the populist outrage over AIG bonuses, Wagoner’s outstanding failure as a corporate steward, or a political need to appease organized labor is beyond my knowledge. His replacement, however, would seem to be similar to that of of Bob Willumstad with Ed Liddy at AIG. The past two quarters have seen new presidents popping up all over.
Meanwhile, Chrysler will be forced to partner with Italian auto-maker Fiat, presumably because Fiat has such a long and stellar history of mastering the U.S. market. Considering that the Cerebrus-owned vehicle manufacturer has been ineffectively attempting to foist shares onto its creditors and employees, trading a 35% stake for Fiat’s “small-car technology” represents a bit of a coup.
- Hearings - I doubt many of you were near enough a television to watch them as they occurred, but Tim Geithner was due back in front of the House Financial Services Committee for more hearings yesterday. Although the Secretary’s earliest visits to Capitol Hill required a healthy dose of Ritalin to be viewed, his testimony alongside Chairman Bernanke earlier this week was quite amusing. For C-SPANners, I imagine these visits have become equivalent to the Jerry Springer show; the audience yells at the guest, who, in turn, resists urges toward invective in favor of illuminating igornance. The facial expression evoked by Maxine Waters’ forced questions about whether or not Geithner’s assistant had ever worked for Goldman Sachs spoke volumes about his temperamental similarity to Larry Summers.
- Hygiene - Between delicate sensibilities and specialized needs, the toiletries industry is rife with niche products of which many folks might be unaware. The people behind Bald Guyz, for instance, provide a full line of products that, during periods when my scalp was shaven, I’ve considered but never purchased. You might be surprised to learn how tenuous the balance is between a greasy scalp and a dry one.
A more amusing unsung product comes in the form of Subtle Butt technology. Antimicrobial on one side and equipped with activated charcoal on the other, each disposable Subtle Butt is intended to do for intestinal emissions what a catalytic converter does for car emissions. One wonders how long it will be before the team behind Subtle Butt purchases U.S. rights to the fart silencer in an attempt to monopolize the flatulence industry.
- Security - One has to imagine that many people cheered upon hearing Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano’s announcement, earlier this week, that nearly $200 million would be dedicated to improving security along the Mexican border. Then, there was a great silence as they realized that these efforts would make it more cumbersome to leave the U.S., not Mexico. Nonetheless, doing what we can to keep arms from moving South is a nice way to prevent Mexico’s drug war from crossing the border without undertaking the dicey proposition of military occupation.